Shinigami academy

If medical schools were to be a shinigami academy, I guess we as third years are looking for placements in various squads. The squads are divided into melee-based (surgery) and kidou-based (medicine). Based on the characteristics of each squad, the fields can be best assigned as below:

1st Squad: Boss of every other squads - politicians
2nd Squad: Assassins - Critical care
3rd Squad: Despair - palliative care
4th Squad: Getting shit on by everyone - ER
5th Squad: Tricked everyone else - The MudPhuds who puppet us using their cunning EBMs
6th Squad: Elites - Derm
7th Squad: Run by a fox - vets?
8th Squad: Stoned womanizer - Addiction medicine
9th Squad: Run by a handicapped - Rehab
10th Squad: Run by a teenager - Pediatrics
11th Squad: Blood-thirsty meathead - Ortho
12th Squad: Researcher - Pathology
13th Squad: TB-ridden captain - ID

The espadas were created by the 5th squad to eliminate all other doctors - big pharmaceuticals?

I'm the biggest dork. I wonder how many people understand what I just wrote.